i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
