I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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