I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
