google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
