There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
