Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
