soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
