its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize