You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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