My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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