I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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