does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
