Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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