So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
