I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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