New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
