If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
