is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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