I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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