please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
