He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
