No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
