and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
