Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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