Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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