Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
