look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
