he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize