member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
