dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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