dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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