I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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