i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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