I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
