I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
