Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
