He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
