what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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