Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
