I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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