Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
