Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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