so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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