Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
