one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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