ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My penis needs a shock collar
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
