She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
