Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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