Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
