I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
