Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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