Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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