If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
