In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
