I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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