I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
