Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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