so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
