We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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