That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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