My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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