what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize