Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
