Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
