Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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