What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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