Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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