Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
