How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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