guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
