The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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