I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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