I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
