im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
