just come out here and I will go home with you...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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