I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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