so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
