Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
