Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
