All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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