My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You were trust falling into bushes
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
