We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
