I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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